December 9, 2010, was our daughter, LaShawn, and son-in-law, Liam's, 3rd wedding anniversary. The evening of their anniversary, LaShawn called me and shared the following exchange:
"Mom, this morning I sauntered lazily out of our bedroom, and as usual, Liam was up before me. The aroma of coffee lured me into the living room and I continued to follow the teasing scent closer to the kitchen. Liam peaked around the corner. There he stood; with his brown eyes twinkling and a mischievous grin on his face, he chirped, 'Honey, do you know what day this is?' I instantly panicked, 'Oh no...it's garbage day! We have to get the garbage out!' He chuckled, 'No, honey, it's our third wedding anniversary.' Deflated and embarrassed more than I could or would ever confess, I apologized, 'Oh honey, I am so sorry. My mind just instantly turned to the garbage.'"
After sharing this, she made a very striking and thought-provoking statement, "Mom, that often seems to happen in our marriages. The daily demands and marital pressures build up, and garbage comes to our minds rather than sweet, pleasant words and/or acts of kindness.
In marriage relationships, it is much too easy to pile up garbage of hard feelings over petty things that cause stress, resentment and broken bridges. Under the pressure, we are tempted to spew out words that wound, accusations or ghosts of past mistakes.
Larry and I have now been married for 45 ½ years, and we have found that there are rules for marriage that help keep the garbage at bay if we diligently abide by them. Years ago, someone handed me a piece of paper with some "Rules for a Happy Married Life," that I have kept, utilized, and expanded. Here is the original listing, plus a few I have added:
1. Never both be angry at once.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house in on fire.
3. Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise of self-discipline if you can't think of a better reason.
4. If you have a choice between making yourself look good, or your mate...choose your mate.
5. If you have any criticism, make it lovingly.
This reminds me of the story of the wife who sighed one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!" Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised; you've been giving me a piece of it every day for 20 years." (Enough said!)
6. Never bring up a mistake of the past.
7. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
8. Never let the day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your life's partner.
9. Never meet without a sweet or affectionate welcome.
10. Never go to bed mad.
11. Laugh a lot--it is oil to the marriage.
12. When you have made a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness.
13. Lastly, but most important....Make God the center of your lives. Strive to have daily devotions and pray together. I firmly believe that those who can pray together or hold hands while they pray and discuss problems, can also stay together weatheringing life's storms.
John 15:12 "Love one another as I have loved you."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails."
- Gloria