Leaving and Cleaving

In Genesis 2:24 God says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."  This verse says a lot in a few words.  First of all, when you find the mate with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, you willfully make the decision not to remain single.  You make the choice to take your life, ideals, goals and plans and merge them with your mate's; you join in holy matrimony before God, becoming one unit.

As a child you were under your parent's or guardian's authority.  But men, when you choose to be married, the Bible says that you are to leave your parents and cleave to your wife.  You're still to love and respect your parents, but you are no longer controlled by them.  You and your wife are a new and separate family.  Women, when you lived with your parents, you were expected to love, respect and honor them.  Exodus 20:12 says, "Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."  But remember, after you repeat your marriage vows you are no longer controlled by your parents, even though you still love and respect them.  Now you are controlled by your husband, in the sense that he is the head of your home, and he is under God.

A few days before Larry and I were married, Mom and I were working on the wedding plans.  Mom had always been my very best friend.  She and I laughed and cried together.  We had fun times together, and we prayed together, too.  I was very close to her and counted on her advice and wisdom.  At the time, she must have sensed my dependence upon her because she got up from the table, cleared her voice, took a dinner plate from the kitchen cupboard and announced, "Missy, when you leave home, I'm going to break your plate!"

I gasped, "What do you mean by that, Mom?"  She said, "When you and Larry get married, the two of you will become one.  That means that he'll be the head of your family."  I said, "Yes, of course, Mom.  I know that.  I understand that."  "And Missy," she continued, "breaking your plate means that when you and Larry have disagreements (and you will!) and problems (and you will!), I don't want you running home to us.  You and Larry must learn to work your problems out together.  Dad and I love you, but you must solve your own problems in your own home.  We will pray for you, but don't expect us to get involved or take your side just because you're our daughter.  When you and Larry get married, Larry becomes a part of our family.  We'll love him just as if he were one of our own children.  I don't want to hear you criticizing him in any way.  Love and respect him.  Work your problems out between the two of you and God.  I love you dearly, Missy."

That was it.  That five-minute conversation so many years ago has saved me so many years of stress!  I've deeply appreciated Mom for sharing that with me because it has encouraged me to be determined to work things out within the privacy of our marriage.  Larry and I handle our problems together, and neither pair of in-laws would've dreamed of interfering.  I'm thankful for my parents, Clair and Julie Brooks, and I praise the Lord for my wonderful father- and mother-in-law, Madge and Lawrence Lundstrom.  They have always cared, shared, encouraged, and prayed for us, but they have never gotten involved in our personal lives or marriage.